Thoughts
by aang'sbestbuddy
Summary: I should be thinking about something, anything but the one girl I absolutely should not be thinking of. But I can't help it... I just love her too much. (Rated T for slight mentioning of adult themes.)


**_Should I be working on "The Sting of Envy?" Yes. Am I going to? Probably not. At least not until the series is over and we finally see where this ship is going. I don't like altering the timeline too much so I want to see what officially happens with them. Until then maybe some one-shots like this one whenever I can post them. _**

**_After the attempted kidnapping from the Red Lotus in the episode "The Terror Within." As they are heading back to their rooms, Mako can't help but let his drowsy mind wander... _**

* * *

_What's wrong with me… _

This definitely isn't the right place or time to be thinking this way… and she certainly isn't the right person to be drooling over. Out of all the people in the universe, of course it has to come back to her. It always does.

We were just attacked, it's three in the morning and I'm exhausted. We all are. And here I am, distracted by stupid, irrational and inappropriate thoughts. Thoughts that have an iron-like grip over my mind and usually holds me hostage for hours at a time. Lately though, they've come at times where I just can't find the strength to pull away and return to reality. I find myself staring at her, lost in a world I wish I could bring back to life. Sometimes, I reminisce on the past and I've been starting to realize how dangerous that is. I get hopelessly lost, especially when it's late and I'm struggling to stay awake, just like now.

I should be focused on my feet, one in front of the other as I slowly make my way to Bo and I's room. I should be thinking of questions to pose for the interrogation tomorrow morning. I should be thinking of something, anything but the one girl I absolutely should not be thinking of.

But I can't help it. Her hair is down, tousled and messy and tangled and perfect. Even through her baggy pants I can tell her hips are swaying as she's walking in front of me to her room, which is right next to mine. Sometimes, it's pure torture to have her so close. Especially when there was a time, not too long ago, when I could freely join her. Hold her in my arms, kiss her alluring lips and let my hands wander over her body…

_Stop. She's your ex…_

Oh yeah, that's right. Reality. That's why these thoughts are completely inappropriate. We're over. Done. Through. Just… friends. She wants nothing to do with me anymore, romantically anyway.

And she's made that painfully clear. She barely talks to me. That much is enough to have me ache for the past. What's exponentially worse though is that she doesn't _see_ me anymore. Not like she used to. Where she looks me straight in the eye and actually has some, if not all, of her attention on _me_. Mako. I'm not used to her regular, every day gaze she gives everyone else. Since the beginning she's always looked at me a certain way. The hairs on the back of my neck would stand at attention and I would get lost in her unusually bright blue eyes. Their dull now, just like her attitude towards me. And it hurts like hell.

Of course, I don't blame her for acting the way she does. Why would I? I was terrible to her. I took her for granted and tossed her away the moment things got hard. I've never regretted anything more in my entire life than that moment, and I probably never will.

"Are you going to be alright?"

Who said that? Was that… was that me?

It must've been because she turns her upper half to face me as her hand is still clutching the door handle to her room.

"I'll be fine. I just need some rest."

Before, when things were perfect and right with the world, she would abandon the door and embrace me. Maybe bury her head into my neck. She would still insist that she was alright, but she would invite me to stay anyway as her hands would trail down to my belt and to drag me inside.

"Okay. Well, goodnight then."

"Night."

The door closes in my faces and I absently note that she didn't slam it. But then again, why would she? It's been weeks and she's stated multiple times that she wasn't angry with me anymore. Honestly, I don't know if she ever was. I still expect it though. Actually, I kind of hope for it. At least then she would be giving me some kind of thought and have me on her mind. I think I would be okay with that for a little while. It would definitely be better than this…indifference.

I hear another door softly click into place and I realize it was Asami's. She barely looks at me either, much less talks to me. I don't even have enough energy left in me to care as much as I should.

Bolin is dragging his feet and has barely made it to our door.

"You coming, bro?" He must be tired because he doesn't even wait for me to answer as he opens the door and slips inside.

I still haven't moved from my spot in front of her door. I can hear her softly speaking to Naga, her words too muffled for me to understand but it's still her voice and I can't will my feet to move.

Sometimes, I wonder what she would do if I did something irrational. If I cross the line between the friend zone I've been shoved in and dash my way to the abandoned corner of her heart that I used to occupy. What if I tip-toed in that grey area and tested my limits? When I have these thoughts, they're mostly harmless. Tell her she looks nice, compliment her on her bending. I even dared to entertain the idea of giving her a hug once. Back when we got our first airbender recruit, Kai. Her smile was so wide and I could practically feel her level of happiness and pride. It had me mesmerized and I had to physically keep my distance for the rest of the day.

But now, my thoughts have taken a different path. A more dangerous and daring one, and the side of me that usually kept me anchored to reality was long gone in the realm of sleep, and to emphasize the fact I felt my eyelids droop as I rested my head on the cool piece of metal that separated me from her.

What if… what if I just open the door?

What would I say?

What would she say?

I could tell her about my ideas for questioning tomorrow. She would have no choice but to have her full attention on me. Or if worse comes to worse then she'll shove me out and tell me to get lost. That's fine with me though. Her hands would be on my chest and for just a moment I could feel their warm seep through my clothes.

I could tell her about the hole that now exists on the back of her shirt thanks to Zaheer and his gang. That was the only thing I could keep my focus on during the walk over here. That single patch of skin that I once had access to but is now forbidden to me.

I could just come clean about everything. Keep no secrets and just tell her how much I miss her, how much I want things to go back to the way they were before I messed it all up. I could tell her how much I love her and how I'm tired of doing it from afar.

…I could tell her how much I've wanted her, and how my fingers itch to touch her skin whenever she's close to me and how I've come so close to shoving her in the corner and kissing her until our lips are bruised and there's absolutely no barriers, both emotional and physical left between us…

_What am I doing?_

I take several steps back and stare at my hands, willing them to stop tingling and I shake my head as if I could somehow get rid of those ridiculous thoughts that way. It was bad enough to let my mind often wander into romantically viewing her that way again… but now sexually too? Spirits, there is something incredibly wrong with me.

I'm just tired, that's all. My stress levels are starting to drop off and I'm close to falling asleep on my feet. Yeah, that's it. I'm just exhausted.

And worried.

Things have gotten a heck of a lot more dangerous for our little group. Her life is in serious danger and she was almost taken from us. The last time she was taken I was incredibly close to losing my mind. No wonder my thoughts are taking a dive. I'm just worried about her safety.

So as long as my twisted thoughts stay in my head, then no harm done right?

I can hear my feet dragging across the floor more than I can feel them and before I know it, I'm under the comfort and security of my blanket and my head is resting on the softest pillow I've ever felt. Sleep is just a few moments away…

… and yet somewhere in the far recesses of my mind, my memories of a better time are released yet again and right before I fall into the deepest sleep I've ever known, I can hear her words as clear as daylight.

_"__I love you Mako."_

* * *

**_So I just wanted to get back in here and post something before summer ends. Just a little something that I thought of while watching the episode. Is it just me, or am I the only one who thinks Korra should keep her hair down? _**

**_Questions, comments and concerns are greatly appreciated and accepted. _**

**_Thanks for reading! _**


End file.
